It's a terrible thing to wake up one day and realize that your life is nothing like the way that you've dreamed it would be. What's even worse is to wake up on a daily basis and realize this fact and do nothing to change it.
This is where I am. I wake up dissatisfied with who I am and where I am in life, but do nothing to change this. I have to ask myself the question... Do I really want my life to change, or am I too comfortable in this rut where I am not challenged?
When I say that I am not challenged, I simply mean that everyday is almost the same routine. I wake up and watch some mindless show on Netflix that I'm addicted to. Then I either go to work or take a walk to Starbucks, where I sit and try to imagine the lives of the other customers. I spend more time on Pinterest and Instagram watching the lives of others unfold than I spend trying to make myself the way that I want to be.
If you had asked me when I was sixteen what I wanted to be, I would have told you that at the age of 23, I would be a youth pastor. I would be helping save the world from their own destructive lives. But life happens and catches you off guard. I no longer want to be a youth pastor and part of me mourns that dream, because truth is, that I don't always know what I believe.
So at 23 years old, I ask myself the million dollar question: what do I want to do with my life?
I want out of retail. I want a job where I don't hate everyone. I want to be able to answer the question "so what do you do?" without feeling embarrassed and feeling the need to add "but it's only temporary." And more than anything, I want to stop feeling guilty about being embarrassed about working retail. (Because there is nothing wrong with it. We'd be nowhere without the people who work retail.)
I want to share my imagination with everyone. I want the world, or even a few people to meet my characters because they have been such a comfort to me. Flawed as my stories may be, they can teach you things. I know because each one has taught me. I don't sit down and think "oh what is going to happen next?" It just happens and in those moments, I learn things about myself and the world.
I don't want to wake up in 40 years and tell my grandchildren that when I was their age I had so much to say, but I was too afraid to let my imagination shine through.
My imagination is the greatest gift that I have that can be shared with the world. It would be a shame to waste it.
I just need to stop worrying that my thoughts aren't going to be enough.
I can tell children that they can be anything that they want as long as they try hard enough. Why can't I believe the same about myself?
