It's been five months since I have written one of these silly little posts. So much of life has changed.
I feel angry. I feel hurt. I feel confused. I feel abandoned. I feel broken. I feel self-conscious. I feel inadequate. I feel. I feel. I feel.
I have so many negative feelings going on in this little heart of mine.
Thankfully I know that I am a child of God. I know that I am a daughter of the King. I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I know that I have not been abandoned and I have not been forsaken. I know that I was created for a purpose. I know that I am a conqueror. I know that my God will supply all my needs. I know. I know. I know.
I am a woman who relies so much on her feelings, but I have to learn how to push those aside and rely on what I know. I know that fear is NOT of God. So many of my negative feelings steam from some fear that I am not good enough. A fear that I thought that I had conquered.
In these dark moments, I am holding on to scripture and praying constantly.
Philippians 4:6-9 has been daily reminder.
Throwing out my emotions and relying on all that I know to be true is one of the hardest things that I have done. My life is in a transitional phase and I don't know what I am supposed to do. The one thing that I do know is that I need to fix my eyes on Jesus and let him hold me when I am feeling lost. It wont be easy.6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 9 Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.
I am confident that I will come out of this victorious and with a beautiful testimony. In the meantime, I am simply praying that everything that I am learning will be used one day to help others. That is what keeps me going.
If your scared and lost, just know that you are not alone. Do not rely on how you feel, because feelings can be deceptive. Hold on to what you know. You are worth more than your fears would have you believe.
